theclubsinger

So my music career is not officially kaput. I continue to get an occasional call or email , but I usually am not into the gig. I ran into a buddy of mine who told me how his band was using Craigslist to find a singer for quite some time. He convinced me to join his group – and I ended breaking them up – all within a two week period … but that’s a whole ‘nuther story.  This is about my recent discovery of the fascinating world of the Craigslist Musician’s community: an assortment of weird that I never expected. Not sure if these are legit posts or musicians – but as of this moment, it is a daily ritual of mine.

I decided I had to start a file. I created a ‘best of’ musicians classified postings – and there were plenty. I would soon discover that there were a lot of tired, bitter old pros lurking online along with drug addled creative writing experts that love to capitalize and don’t care about spelling.  These are real  posts. Only names and locations have been changed.

MISSION STATEMENT

this is a mission statement coming from a drummer who has been on CL many times looking for people to click with or lack thereof. I have been playing drums for 18 years and I have heard all of the trash talking and the lies that I do not have the talent to peform which I do but the fact is I do not have the time to do gigs or doing shows some do and some don’t. Unless you are a rich imposter to make out in the big leagues which half of us including me I like doing my own thing not going out and taking my drums in and out of the house or a studio for that matter there are millions of people who want to be in bands all the guys and girls young and old no matter what in other words money doesn’t put food on the table or get you anywhere in life. Perhaps doing a US tour or travelling all over the world like Europe bands like Paramore to Kittie have accomplish that feat, for me I do not think I am not made for that I have a life at home and friends too.Some do shows locally or far from home whether New York, NJ, the shore…etc etc. I can go on and rant but I am not its the truth. I wish for those who wanna accomplish this feat or this mission but I am the guy who will not have the time to do this b.c its not worth my time wasting it by going out to a club or an open mic night crap to perform in which I do not wanna do its the thought that count in other words there are some who can make the cut as a musician and going out and showing off————-thats not my thing either I do this for fun not for a living like a career for getting paid.that is a good sign so yea listen to what I have to say its for everyone’s own good that there is more to life than playing and doing gigs if you find the right people to click with good luck.Some do and some don’t. thats why I find CL stupid to find musicians to play with. Best of luck to those who wanna do this as a ‘serious’ career b.c 9 times out of 10 it works and some it doesn’t thanks for your time.

Re: MISSION STATEMENT

Your mission statement is so badly written that I don’t know what the hell you’re trying to say. I guess it sounds like you said your peace though….Whatever…

Here’s another fun exchange:

Guitar Repair Professional

Here at John’s Guitar’s.i put alot of care, time,concern spent. i Humodify Guitar’s before i Repair’s before i make a adjustments. i have much training time
and investment in tolls as any mechanic. *** All my work is Professional.

Re: Guitar Repair Professional

Just a piece of advice from a long time guitarist….
I get that you want to offer your services to people, and you may be damn good at what you do. BUT… if you can’t construct a simple sentence you might want to have someone write something up for you. Based solely on the post below, I don’t think I’d even let you in the same room with my guitars….

Re: Re: Guitar Repair Professional

in response to your criticism of a missed letter in Jacks add. You must have no life proof reading every ones adds. Being a professional I have found that those who criticize are usually those who have nothing. Meet the person first before you comment. Terry

Re: Re: Re: Guitar Repair Professional

Thanks but, you can go ahead and take your $2800 guitar to someone off of CL who can’t spell or even construct a sentence that makes sense.

Maybe a month of spectating on this list went by.  Somehow I thought I might actually find a gig in one of these crazy-ass posts that was  up my alley.  The exact opposite was happening and it didn’t matter.  It had become my daily morning ‘Funnies’.  I noticed that posts occurring after midnight were usually more bizarre:

Looking 4 Serious Fuckin Modern Rock Musicians NOW! (NY)

I’m looking for serious band mates ONLY! Serious lead guitarist Serious Bassist and Serious Drummer.No Bullshit No Uglies No Mama’s Boys No Fag Justin Beiber Wannabe’s

I’m looking for serious Kick you straight in the nuts modern rock musicians.We’re not doing Billy Joel or Fuckin Frank Sinatra

We’re going to the city and Taking Over the shitty ass music scene.

If you think you can be all the above then I want you.

Serious musicians only.

And remember if you look like sloth from the goonies don’t fuckin bother me with your guitar playing bullshit. This is a Image Savvy world I want good looks and amazing skills.

Email me and I’ll hit you up within the hour and we’ll start a serious band.

A million dollar band!
No Pedafiles   Posted: 12:12AM EST

RE – looking 4 serious $#^!: musicians (NY)

Boy, makes you just want to jump on the phone and get with this musical savant ASAP.
Hey genius, when you sober up, or come down from whatever your on, post some of your world altering material on line, cos the music industry has been holding it’s breath for the last 25yrs, waiting for you to come along and save us all from the mediocrity that passes for modern music. And while your at it, check out the standard of musicianship that comes out of local Art Colleges, they blow you 3 chord wonder wannabes out of the ball park.Another delusional fucking jerk-off, makes you feel proud to be in the music business in this area. Lordy Lordy, fucking Lordy.

Here’s another late-night doozy:

Let’s Start A Rock Band

A little about myself. My name is T.R. I am 17 and I currently reside in Pikesville. Ive been with a bunch of people through the years in bands and nobody really has the motivation I do. Im a guitarist and I plan to keep it that way although I can play bass, violin, harmonica and I sing a little. Ive been playing guitar for 7 years and I have a collection of about 10 guitars in my basement. I have a bass too. I have a peavey vtm 60 halfstack and a 3/4 size guitar research stack. I also have a PA system and a drum set with NO CYMBALS. So if you are a drummer, the only thing you have to bring is your cymbals, hi hat and cymbal stands. WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR: I want people with talent under the age of 18 but above the age of 15. I need a bass player, a drummer and a vocalist. Maybe a rhythm guitarist but no lead guitarists, thats my part. I want people with dedication that live nearby and can travel like 10 mins at the most to my house. Practices shall be done in my basement, nowhere else. GENRE: We shall do classic rock sounding original material and covers. I am willing to do metal or punk rock but no shit sounding stuff (You know what I mean). I like bands like Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, the Beatles, the Who, the Rolling Stones, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Van Halen, AC/DC, The Ramones, Green Day, etc. FOOD: Bring your own, please. Or bring money to buy food at various locations around me, I live in college town after all. I have multiple gigs lined up and I HAD a lot more but they passed me by. Also, any money earned from gigs shall be split between members or put towards new gear. If you are serious, please email me! Im looking for people who really have what it takes to do this with me. I want people with motivation and ability. Email me a phone number and maybe some audio clips of you playing or whatnot. I don’t want any losers in my house. That means no booze, no drugs, nothing like that. And a final note, there can only be one leader to a band and that is me. Although we are a band as a whole and I recognize that, I will be the one to make all rational decisions and gigs. Obviously, there will be communication but I want to lead the band. So yeah, lets start something and kick some ass. 🙂 Posted: 2:14AM EST

Re: Lets start a rock band (laughsville)

Reality check there Eddy van Hamster. You would have too be the greatest thing since sliced bread to be that arrogant and get people with talent to go along with that. Our you had better be willing to pay them. And since you’re searching on craigslist you’re probably not all that scary talented. But hey a great circus owner said there’s a sucker born every minute. Good luck lmao…….

• Location: laughsville

re to re (look at this)

well maybe your friend is a good guy however hes was a smart ass and that seems to happen way to much on here if he doesnt like what im playing simply scroll past it if he doesnt answer my ad the way he does none of this happens i get ads flagged for no reason at all because there is simply a bunch of punks acting stupid on here so yes i took it to another level so if you dont feel thats right maybe you should tell your friend to keep his mouth shut and as far as a run on sentence go fuck your self its morons like your frien d that are gonna get this site shut down and then where will musicians go it shouldnt matter what kind of music you play i have never flagged some ones ad and its punks like your friend that do again go fuck your self i was minding my own buissness and he started

Here’s an ad that I see alot .. I guess they can’t find anyone …

Male & Front Singer for Casino-Wedding Band (Center City)

Seeking professional ‘Female Front & Lead Vocalist’ for Casino, Night Club & Wedding Band.
Please send resume, education, level of experience & current photo. Must be trained & capable to sing lead & harmony.
Must be able to bring the ‘rock look’, ‘funk look’ & ‘wedding gown glamor’.
Age preferred: 22 to 30… appearance & appeal important.
Only serious & dedicated need apply.

Female Lead Vocalist (Center City)

Looking for a Female Lead Front Singer 21 to 30 yrs to work front with other strong vocalist.
Rehearsals in Center City.
Current band works Casino’s, Weddings & Private functions.
Please forward resume, current photo & experience.

• Location: Center City

CENTER CITY AD HAS NO BAND ,,NO WORK (DONT WASTE YOUR TIME)

THIS GUY IS A BULLSHYT ARTIST….ALL HE HAS DONE IN THE PAST 10 YEARS IS RUN AD’S AND PLAY FREE SHOWCASES
BUT IF YOU NEED YOUR TOILET PLUNGED …OR YOUR DRAIN LINES SNAKED OUT ;;HE’S YOUR MAN
THE DUDE LOOKS 70 AND HIS WIFE( ALSO 70)DRESSES LIKE SHE SHOPPED AT HOT TOPIC

• Location: DONT WASTE YOUR TIME

So I’ve been bitten by the Craigslist bug – on the one hand, I think I might just find a normal professional situation so I kinda keep looking. But if you’re looking for a few chuckles (and I always am), I highly recommend your local Craigslist musician’s community. Sure, it’s rife with bitter losers, blowhards, people who don’t know how to spell or put a simple sentence together.  But you never know –you might just find the next Eddie Van Hamster.